True Poison

"What is the most poisonous element affecting our children's financial values?"

That was the question put to me at the Punahou School in Honolulu last week. (Yes, Obama was a student there--and Steve Case [AOL] and Pierre Omidyar [eBay] are graduates as well. Values education is important at the school.) I was speaking with a group of parents on the subject of raising financially fit kids and inevitably the 'culture of consumption' came up. This mother was asking, "which communication vehicles do you think are the real culprits effecting our kids? If I turn off the computer, take away the cell phone, or limit the number of hours they spend in front of the big screen TV, can I counteract the pressure to 'consume and spend' that seems to come at them from all fronts?"

Though I am of the 'less is more' school where kids and TV are concerned, I had to tell her I think that kids who develop strong internal values ((kindness, generosity, desire to learn, etc.) are less susceptible to the default identity of "I am what I wear; I am what I drive; I am the purse I carry or the cell phone I use.

Don't get me wrong. I love the elegance of my Bang and Olufsen turntable and I acknowledge I'm a Mac snob. 'Stuff' is ancient and primal. Wandering around the recovered streets of Pompeii or museums holding Mayan artifacts, one can see that things--beautiful and strange-- have always helped define who we are. And perhaps parents have always struggled with how their kids balance the quest for identity within and without.

But in my work with children and families, I've come to see that true poison is not the newest tech invention, but the failure of family members, teachers, etc.) to model and relentlessly insist on a higher order of values. Kids who are expected to be more than their stuff, are less likely to be manipulated by the culture, regardless of the vehicles that deliver it. (For more on this subject check out Jean Clark's book, How Much is Enough, www.indulgence.info).